Moving Along...

So here I sit at work on my computer. I have nothing to do (well I'm sure there are lots I can be doing, however I'm lacking the motivation to be productive...I digress). I've come to realize I've made it six months. Half a year ago, I lost my baby girl. Half a year ago, my life practically ended. Half a year ago, I couldn't picture my life in half a year, but here I am. It's still a daily struggle just to make it through a day of work, but somehow someway, I am making it.

It seems like these past few months have flown by. So many happenings. Never a dull moment. I've also come to realize that I'm running out of hurdles. One by one all of my individual battles have come to an end. The one that still remains is the doozy though. My mental health, as it seems, is my biggest hurdle. Trying to overcome the plauge of horrific images that stop me from being able to do anything, whether its sleeping, working, or even watching a movie, has become the hardest thing to do. Thoughts and pictures from that terrible night always seem to inadvertantly creep into my mind without me realizing it, and before I know it, I'm completely helpless.

To avoid the pitfalls of what these horrible traps may become, I have come to realize simple truths. My little Audrey is now in the safest place she can be. Although I give up sweet memories that I had yet to make (like sending her to her first day of school, teaching her to ride a bike, helping her pick out a prom dress), I also loose the painful ones (Falling and breaking her first bone, the stresses of all night homework, having her heart broken by some stupid boy)...She will now never know pain, only joy. She will never know sadness, only happiness. And she will never know longing, only anxiousness (the good kind).

I've also come to realize how greatful I am for the people that have walked into my life within these past few months as well. I love my friends more than anything, and though I know I am never really vocal enough in how much I love and appreciate them, I can honestly say I would not be standing here now if it wasn't for them. They were the ones that put up with my CONSTANT depression. They were the ones that made sure I was never alone (even if it meant a simple trip to walmart). They were the ones that stayed up with me until 2 in the morning because I was having nightmares, and they were the ones that would get me off the couch and take me out to clear my mind. I cant even count the ways that they have all managed to help me out but I know I can never forget them.