Why Rainbows...

Here I sit again at work. Its 2pm and I am done with all my work for the day. I've been done for a few hours too so I though once again I would fill my computer screen with a few of the million and 1/2 thoughts scrambling through my brain.

This time I think I'll explain my love for rainbows and why I get all teary eyed anytime I hear anyone sing Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"

November 20th was the day that my little baby girl had to be taken to the hospital. What started off as a sunny Saturday morning turned into a cloudy, stormy night. Seing how the Mojave Desert rarely sees rain, this was odd to begin with. Audrey was unable to be flown from Hospital to hospital because of the lightning. We traveled 2 hours from 29 palms to Loma Linda University Children's Hosptial. It seemed like as the evening went on, and my mood and dimeaner worsened, so did the weather.

The next morning after she had passed I was in the car driving home. The clouds were still hanging over my head. Pulling onto the freeway, a rainbow appeared off into the distance. I thought that seemed rediculously unfitting, but it followed me. It followed and followed and followed. So, I took a picture of it.
   Soon, it seemed fitting. I remember when little 2 week old Audrey was at home, and I had just changed her into a pretty pink dress, I said "Pink is her color". My mom said "EVERY color is her color" Those of you that met her know she had a very colorful personality. She always acted like a little grown up.

All that aside, I had a big turning point today. I have finally come to grips with the fact that my life will never be normal. I guess this whole time, I've been going along just thinking that eventually everything would return to the way it was and Id go back to not having a care in the world. I was sitting in an unbelieveably dry lecture that my Commanding Officer was giving, thinking to myself  'this is it. I can't change anything. What happened, happened. I need to accept it and make the most of it'. So people, here I am. Letting it all hang out in the open. My life is screwed up and I know it. For whatever reason, I was chosen to bear this burden and I have come to embrace it. I know my battles are far from over, but as of now I know that I have the unwavering support of my close friends and family. So get ready for me world. Im not going to let myself be held back.